Sick: Survive The Night (2012)

Sick: Survive The Night (2012)
Director: Ryan M. Andrews
Writers: Ryan M. Andrews, Chris Cull

Yawn. Yet another low budget zombie film. This one had so little money it explains what happened to the world by showing the reaction of a character as she listens to multiple newscasts via a radio. No stock footage of riots. No archival video of cities collapsing. Just a medium shot of a face as we hear the tale of a virus infecting humanity and turning people into mindless flesh eating creatures.

Two years after civilization collapsed four groups remain. There's the research lab protected by military who are looking for a cure. The pointdexters are led by Dr Rozetta who frequently verbally clashes with the soldiers in what looks like a school. The second group are those humans that have banded together to build a settlement for protection. The third group are the vultures who swoop down on weaker parties to steal and scavenge from them. The last group are the brain chomping, once human, monsters. At least the last group I understood what they were doing in the film. Their motivation was to eat humans. Not sure what everyone else was up to. Anyway, representatives from all four groups converge on a single family dwelling to battle it out.

Curiously, the script isn't packed with wall to wall zombie (mutant?) action. Instead we are regaled by the inexperienced thespians as they chew through page after page of talking without saying anything, yelling and crying. I can't recall another zombie film with this much crying.

Romero's DAY OF THE DEAD (an obvious inspiration) highlighted the bickering that stems from being confined with people you don't see eye to eye with but that film had a smart script and actors who brought the characters to life. Here we have characters sitting at school desks, or on a sofa, bitchin' and moaning about idiotic things. There's a character who is supposed to be a bad ass bitch but she is gut shot and out of the film before we see her doing anything other than posturing. Another character ties up his teammate threatening to kill him for reasons that I couldn't fathom. And I suspect the writers couldn't convince anyone of their explanation either.

SICK is one tedious scene after another. The Canadian film offers nothing new, and can't rise to being an entertaining zombie film. It doesn't have to be good, it only has to keep my interest.

Genre darling Debbie Rochon plays a scientist at a remote location who sends video reports to the protagonists' lab.

* out of ****

Pandemic (2016)

Dir: John Suits

I doubt that I'll ever tire of the zombie themed films (or television or board games) but will admit there has been a glut of poorly scripted, amateurishly shot and derivative gut munchers of late. And by saying 'of late' I mean the last decade or so. I initially passed on viewing PANDEMIC via Netflix's streaming service as I thought it was yet another found footage film made to cash in on the popularity of the zombie sub-genre. There I was one night, a few beers into the evening, looking for something to watch and I re-read the film's synopsis and decided to give it a chance.

An unknown virus has infected most of humanity. The infected deteriorate through five stages, from feeling weak and tired to brain damaged hyper violent flesh eater. After the fall of a New York base / research centre, Doctor Lauren Chase (Rachel Nichols CONAN THE BARBARIAN remake) arrives in L.A. to work at a facility investigating the virus and rescuing the uninfected. As facility head, Doctor Greer (Paul Guilfoyle SESSION 9) has no qualms killing the infected once they are no longer medically useful or making certain that everyone provided safety and security by the facility are productive members of the society. Leading Chase through a tour of the compound, he also is preparing her for a rescue mission.

Chase is assigned as medic to a rescue squad tasked with going into the city and locating a large group of uninfected. The squad is comprised of ex-con driver Wheeler (Alfie Allen GAME OF THRONES), Denise (Missi Pyle UNCLE NICK) the navigator and Gunner (Mekhi Phifer DAWN OF THE DEAD remake) the, er... squad gunner. Chase has a secondary mission that she keeps secret from the group. She's lost contact with her husband and daughter. Desperate to speak with them she scrounges for a mobile phone at every opportunity. Gunner also has something he'd like to accomplish outside of the mission. His wife, who was part of a previous rescue mission, is lost. The facility lost contact with them and no one knows their whereabouts or even if they are still alive.

It wouldn't be a zombie film if things didn't turn to shit for the rescue team.

PANDEMIC is not a true found footage film. It breaks the rules of showing only what can be captured by the recording devices in use by the characters early and often. Director John Suits (BREATHING ROOM) has stated it is a POV first person film akin to a first person shooter in the video gaming world. The shooting style works to some extent. The rescue squad wears hazmat suits outfitted with cameras so there's plenty of coverage but when it comes to the action scenes, ugh! I've played a number of first person shooters, everything from DOOM to QUAKE to COUNTER-STRIKE but I could not fathom what I watching onscreen during the more frantic POV scenes. I had no such issues while watching the POV sequence from the film DOOM but will admit to difficulty in tracking the action scenes in the POV shots from the mis-fire THE BROTHERS GRIMSBY.

There is a lot to like about PANDEMIC. The film is derivative but there's enough in the script to make it stand out a bit from the legion of other zombie films. Rachel Nichols puts in a good performance as the doctor with secrets and the love her character has for her daughter comes through.

Recommended for fans of the zombie.

**1/2 out of ****

Cell (2016)

Dir: Tod Williams

Graphic artist Clay Riddell (John Cusack MAPS TO THE STARS) arrives at the Boston airport and shortly after departing his plane calls his estranged wife (Clark Sarullo THE GHOST CLUB: SPIRITS NEVER DIE) and their young son. Mid conversation his mobile runs out of juice and he switches over to a pay phone as he's unable to find a free plug to charge his phone. As part of the set up as to what is about to happen, the film makers pack the opening with plenty of shots of people walking with a phone snugged to their ear. A loud, electronic noise erupts from the speaker of all phones in use. Anyone using their phone at the time foams at the mouth, shakes spastically and then sets out with speed and focus to kill the person in their line of sight or commit grievous bodily harm to themselves by bashing their heads into the closest concrete pillar or whatever is handy.

Amid the chaos of seemingly random violent attacks, Riddell hesitates as he is confused but is jolted into action when one of the 'phoners' turns his sights onto Riddell. Making a break for it he finds himself on the subway platform beneath the airport. The doors of the train car are open and a group of survivors of the initial carnage cluster nervously in the car waiting for it to depart the airport. Train driver, Vietnam vet, Tom McCourt (Samuel L. Jackson) explains to the group that the train isn't going anywhere. He and Riddell team together to escape on foot into the city proper.

The city has gone to hell in just a short time after the mysterious electronic noise erupted forth from mobile phones; cars are abandoned on the road, buildings are on fire, and cats and dogs are living together in the streets. Making their way to Riddell's nearby apartment they spend the night there to allow the shell shocked upstairs neighbour Alice (Isabelle Fuhrman ORPHAN) to join the team and for the viewer, in a bit of foreshadowing, to see a drawing of the hooded soon to be nemesis Raggedy (Joshua Mikel INTRUDERS) pinned to the wall. Riddell's plan is to make it to his wife and son as he has to know if they are still alive and McCourt and Alice tag along as they don't have anything better to do. In the morning the trio make their way on foot, meeting normals, no-so-normals and phoners who travel in flocks like birds and show up at just the right moment in an effort to inject some tension along the way.

I was on board for the first 20 - 30 minutes as the phoners are nothing more than fast moving zombies and our heroic trio pick up shotguns and pistols from a second amendment loving home in what I thought would be a fast paced zombie romp with a couple of big name stars adding a shred of gravitas to a derivative plot. Jackson and Cusak re-team in an opus written by Stephen King in an attempt by the producers to recapture some of the box office magic of the film 1408. It ain't happening. My first tip off should have been seeing Lloyd Kaufman wearing his usual loud jacket in the opening scene. By the time Stacy Keach (THE NINTH CONFIGURATION) appears as a school head master acting like he's the straight man in a comedy I'd given up all hope of the film recovering. The plot is negligible, there's little tension, the characters are drawn thinly and the ending is annoying. I like a bit of ambiguity in films when called for or the plot will support viewers looking for clues to answer the hanging questions left by the film makers. But this film! What is the origin of the electronic noise? Why does it turn people into zombies? Who is Raggedy and what does he have to do with the signal? And who thought the ending, which I've seen used in everything from a comic in EPIC magazine to the reboot of THE OUTER LIMITS, was a good idea? Was I suppose to read the book first? That ain't happening.

*1/2 out of ****

Quarantine (2008)

Dir: John Erick Dowdle

L.A. reporter Angela Vidal (Jennifer Carpenter THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE) and her cameraman Scott Percival (Steve Harris 12 ROUNDS) are spending the night at a fire house as part of a local flavour news piece. They interview the chief, capture footage of the firetrucks, slide down the fire pole, interrupt dinner and whatever else they can think of to kill time until the team they are partnered with, Jake (Jay Hernandez HOSTEL) and Fletcher (Johnathon Schaech LAID TO REST) receive a call.

Angela and the start of a very long night

A call finally comes in. A call for both police and fire to respond to a report of a woman screaming in her apartment.

Arriving on the scene at an apartment building, the police, firefighters and television crew are met by the apartment owner (Rade Serbedzija THE FOG remake) who leads them to the door of the elderly woman who was making the racket. She looks very ill, drooling copious amounts of mucus, and is frightened by the interlopers to her home. But she warms up to her guests and demonstrates how spry she is by attacking a cop and chomping onto his flesh and tearing off a big ol' bloody chunk to nosh on.

Then all hell breaks loose.

The elderly woman was infected and anyone attacked by the infected and has their blood contaminated by the rabies like virus via bite or open wound turns into a flesh craving maniac. The denizens must quickly learn survival skills if they wish to make it through the night. And the gub'ment ain't about to help. Alerted to one of the apartment renter's dog getting all freaky and killing off pets at a veterinary hospital earlier in the day, the police, SWAT and CDC quarantine the building and will not let anyone out. Cable, Internet and mobile phone services are all cut. The sharpshooters positioned on top of adjacent buildings are all too willing to show off their skills on anyone attempting to sneak out.

I first learned of the found footage film QUARANTINE in the pages of Fangoria magazine. It was curious that a Spanish film [REC], which hadn't even been released yet, was being remade by American film makers. What's the point of that? Why not just see the original? I'll argue that QUARANTINE is a damn fine film that may not surpass the original but is a thrilling and tense view. QUARANTINE does away with the supernatural overtones of [REC] and changes a few other details and events but its foundation is the same. And even though I knew what was about to unfold because I had seen it unfold in [REC], I was still figuratively on the edge of my seat.

The acting is well done, with Jennifer Carpenter putting in a nice performance as the lead character who is not as strong as she thinks she is. The deaths of main characters are affecting, not just done for the sake of the script or a cheap scare. This shouldn't be a surprise, but the characters, caught up in a terrifying situation, act like real people rather than clods. They are believable. The bane of many a found footage film, the shaky cam, is kept to a minimum and never distracting or vomit inducing. Yes, the camera just happens to be in a perfect spot to capture all the action at times, but I'll forgive that employment of an oft-used trope of this sub-genre as not once did I see a camera angle that was impossible.

See the original and then watch the remake. It is worth it.

***1/2 out of ****

Re-Kill (2015)

Dir: Valeri Milev

Five years after a zombie outbreak that decimated much of the population, the U.S. is making a comeback. You an tell the country is getting back to normal because reality television is back on the air. And the programme we are watching is RE-KILL.

The television programme RE-KILL, follows the R-division, a SWAT like organization whose purpose is to destroy Re-Ans (the name for zombies so they don't have to say zombies). The job is so dangerous that in order to fill the ranks, recruits are promised citizenship or the commutation of a prison sentence. It's never explained how the camera people, who wear no armour nor carry a weapon, are coerced into doing a job that has a good chance of getting them killed. The team is made up of the battle tested Sarge (Roger R. Cross THE STRAIN), kick arse for the lord Winston (Bruce Payne HOWLING VI: THE FREAKS) and the usual assorted cardboard characters played by Daniella Alonso (THE COLLECTOR), Scott Adkins (EL GRINGO), Layke Anderson (OCTANE) and others who are little more than Re-Ans food.

After stopping a truck smuggling Re-Ans, the team interrogates the driver and learns the location of the mythical Project Judas. no one knows what Project Judas is so the team is sent into The Zone, a walled off section of N.Y. city, to find out. Any viewer with a passing knowledge of zombie films (or has seen MIMIC) will have a good idea what a name like Project Judas represents and what is about to happen to the squad once they enter the zone.

Adding to the feel of watching reality television are the breaks. The fake adverts, such as the one promoting sex sponsored by the Coalition to Repopulate America, or a cigarette brand or a vaccine against zombism, do add background to the post zombie apocalypse society and inject a bit of humour into the film. However, like real television cutting away to promote a product I have little or no interest in, it does take away from any mounting tension the filmmakers are striving for. Unless I'm watching a horror / comedy I'd rather the filmmakers do their utmost to keep me on the edge of my seat.

Fast moving zombies.

The days of the George Romero slow and shambling zombie may be drawing to a close. I understand that audiences of today don't find the slow zombie scary so I get why fast zombies have become the norm. And i certainly understand why RE-KILL went with fast zombies. It's years after the zombie masses started chomping down on humanity so a highly trained military squad would look like the Keystone Cops if they went up against slow moving zombies and weren't able to handle the threat without loss.

As a fan of zombie films I found enough to like about RE-KILL to recommend it to fellow fans despite its shortcomings. Payne puts in a nice performance but after all the build up with the character he plays it doesn't go anywhere. There's a fair amount of action, plenty of running around dark corridors, and plenty of quick edits and shaky camera work.

** 1/2 out of ****

Scouts Guide To The Zombie Apocalypse (2015)

Dir: Christopher Landon

Scout leader Rogers (David Koechner CHEAP THRILLS) of the American Scouts Society (yes, that is the level of humour one can expect from this film) doesn't have much of a troop. Sure, the fat kid Augie (Joey Morgan) is gung-ho about the organization, but Ben (Tye Sheridan MUD) is ambivalent, and the third and last scout Carter (Logan Miller who also co-stars in THE STANFORD PRISON EXPERIMENT with Sheridan) cracks wise and is trying to talk Ben into leaving the troop to free up time for girls. Tonight is the night they camp in the woods so that Augie can earn a badge. Invited to a party by the cool seniors, Ben and Carter plan on ditching Augie and leaving him at the camp site so they can go party.

All plans are ruined though when a janitor unleashes a zombie being studied at the local bio tech facility. While the scouts were in the woods, a zombie plague swept through the town and the army swept in to evacuate survivors. Entering town, the scouting duo of Ben and Carter encounter deserted streets. Seeing that the bouncer is no longer manning the front door of the strip club Lawrence of Alabia (nudge, nudge) and oblivious to the danger, Ben and Carter enter in hopes of getting an eyeful. Instead they are treated to a zombie stripper. Blinded by boobs, the two need to be rescued by cocktail waitress Denise (Sarah Dumont ACID GIRLS). Together they must fight off the zombies and get to the cool kids' party prior to the army dropping bombs and leveling the town in an attempt to stop the zombie horde.

There's a lot of fun to be had with this horror / comedy. Not much tension and the film isn't scary but the zombie makeup looks good and there's plenty of gore. The leads do a fine job and I particularly like how Denise takes Ben under her wing in an effort to bolster his confidence. She knows that they shouldn't be together as a couple so points him in the right direction for when his Mrs. Right comes along. The writers are smart enough to add those little details that really aid in the comedy springing forth from the characters instead of just another punchline tossed at the audience.

Patrick Schwarzenegger puts in an appearance as does Cloris Leachman as a cranky cat lady.

SCOUTS earns a merit badge for bloody good fun.

*** out of ****


Official site

Deathgasm (2015)

Dir: Jason Lei Howden

When his mum goes mental, teenage metal head Brodie (Milo Cawthorne BLOOD PUNCH) moves in with his seemingly straight laced aunt and uncle and their bully of a son David (Nick Hoskins-Smith). New to town and the school, Brodie settles for hanging out with the Dungeons & Dragons obsessed Dion (Sam Berkley) and his friend Giles (Daniel Cresswell). It's not until he stumbles across an indie record shop that he meets another metal head, Zakk (James Blake). The two hit it off, with Zakk steering them towards petty crime, acts of vandalism and forming a garage band that includes Dion and Giles.

Upon learning that the lead singer, Ricky Daggers (Stephen Ure PERFECT CREATURE), of their favourite old school metal band lives in town, Zakk and Brodie break into his dilapidated home. Among the trash and debris they find a dirty, crazed Ricky and try to steal a limited edition record from him. Curiously, Ricky gives them the album; pleaing that they protect it. Later they discover the record jacket contains sheet music to a song called The Black Hymn and their garage band attempts to play it thinking it is an unrecorded song. Unknown to them, it is a summoning ritual to bring the ancient Aeloth The Blind One unto this plane of existence.

Medina as a Valkyrie

In-between garage sessions with his mates, Brodie develops a crush on class mate Medina (Kimberly Crossman A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO SNUFF), who is dating this cousin David. Jock David doesn't take kindly to a metal head talking with his woman and puts the beat down on Brodie. The callous act drives Medina closer to Brodie and the relationship is clinched when Medina listens to power metal for the first time (an excellently done orgiastic visual).

After successfully playing The Black Hymn and unleashing chaos and zombie mayhem on the neighbourhood, it is up to the group of misfits + hottie to fight the demonic forces and revert the spell they cast.

Writer / director Jason Lei Howden (visual effects artist on many big budget films including THE HOBBIT) has created a metal up your arse Kiwi horror comedy. There's a lot of love evident for the music and subculture even as it parodies them. I must admit that I didn't recognise any of the bands performing on the original soundtrack as I'm more of a classic metal (Sabbath!) metal head. But all of them were great accompaniments to the gory practical FX on display throughout the film. This film is a blast.

All hail DEATHGASM!

*** out of ****


Official site


Curiously, Walmart is selling a re-titled version of the film with different DVD artwork. Were they scared off by the 'gasm' in the title?

Cooties (2014)

Dir: Jonathan Milott, Cary Murnion

Aspiring writer Clint (Elijah Wood MANIAC) has left Brooklyn for the suburban splendour of his hometown Fort Chicken, Illinois and moved in with his mother with plans of completing his horror novel about a possessed boat. To make ends meet he takes a job as a substitute teacher at the local elementary school. The other teachers and faculty are a wacky lot. There's Rebekkah (Nasim Pedrad SCREAM QUEENS) the right wing gun nut who bemoans Illinois' lack of concealed carry (since remedied), Rick (Jorge Garcia LOST) a crossing guard more interested in scoring dope than protecting the little ones, ex-jock Wade (Rainn Wilson SUPER) who is well past his glory days of high school football, Lucy (Alison Pill SNOWPIERCER), who Clint still pines for, and a slew of other wild and crazy characters who would be locked up instead of teaching kids if this was real life instead of a zom com.

Where does the zom, as in zombie, come in?

One of the tykes eats an infected chicken nugget. Harassed in class by a couple of bullies, the girl turns full on, fast moving zombie just in time to bite off a chunk of her tormentor's face. From there the infection quickly spreads from child to child. No longer hungry for nuggets the children turn to the adults. Trapped in the school our gang of plucky heroes must find a way to survive.

I was so looking forward to the hilarity of adults smacking around zombie children upon learning of this film. There is some of that, but I didn't find it laugh out loud funny like I did the baby scene in Peter Jackson's BRAINDDEAD (or do you say DEAD ALIVE?). The rest of the film is meh. COOTIES isn't a bad film, there are laughs to be had, but I was very under whelmed especially considering the talent involved.

** out of ****

Extinction (2015)

Dir: Miguel Angel Vivas

A convoy of school buses packed with civilians and soldiers heads towards a military checkpoint in the town of Harmony. Concerned that the lead school bus has stopped short of the base, the second bus stops and the soldiers exit to investigate. It's then that the viewer learns why the faces of the occupants look scared. The civilians are being taken to the military base as they are the few remaining uninfected. A virus, spread by bites, has humanity teetering on the edge of destruction. Yes, this is a zombie apocalypse. The soldiers are attacked by the fast moving zombies and the flesh hungry infected turn their sights to the warm bodies on the bus. On the bus are Patrick (Matthew Fox LOST), Jack (Jeffrey Donovan BURN NOTICE) and the pregnant Emma (Valeria Vereau). Together they fight the zombies while escaping the bus buffet in search of safety.

Nine years later Patrick and Jack live next door to one another in secured compounds on the outskirts of Harmony. Jack raises his daughter Lu (Quinn McColgan), teaches her to read and write and is overly protective of her. Patrick hunts for food during day light hours and at night drinks to excess while broadcasting over the air waves in hope some one is out there and will hear him.

Neither one talks to each other.

Something in the past created a rift between the two men. A rift that has widened over the years so much that Jack reprimands Lu if she dares talk to her Uncle Patrick. Their compounds have kept them safe from the zombie horde over the years but the lack of co-operation between the two is starting to take a toll on both men.

This Spanish-Hungarian co-production helmed by Miguel Angel Vivas (KIDNAPPED) is a different take on the usual zombie film. Much of the nearly two hour running time focuses on the every day existence of the small group of survivors and how the adults, Patrick and Jack, continue that existence and the role that Jack, as father, must play to the growing Lu who has no recollection of zombies. Fox shines as a tormented man driven to the bottle, Donovan is solid as the protective father and McColgan expresses well the innocence of youth.

The good news is that the world ended AFTER Guillermo made the film

Book-ending all that drama and family angst are two action set pieces with plenty of blood, gore and zombie mayhem to satiate my thirst. But it is the characters and their stories that raises this film above the others in the zombie genre that I've complained about in the past.

*** out of ****


Official website

Dead Rising: Watchtower (2015)

Dir: Zach Lipovsky

A zombie film based on a video game series? What was I thinking renting this? Zombies are one of my favourite monsters but even I'm starting to think that perhaps, and I do mean perhaps, the zombie genre is a bit over saturated and it is time for film makers who aren't going to bring anything new to the genre to do something else instead. And has there ever been a good film based on a video game?

Chase and Jordan interview Crystal

When a third outbreak of zombiesm hits the town of East Mission Oregon, Internet reporter Chase Carter (Jesse Metcalfe THE TORTURED) and his camera woman Jordan (Keegan Connor Tracy FINAL DESTINATION 2) are on the scene at the quarantine zone run by F.E.Z.A. (Federal Emergency Zombie Agency). It's up to F.E.Z.A. to evacuate the city safely and administer the daily dosage of Zombrex, a drug that staves off zombiesm in people infected during the previous outbreaks. Chase is secretly recording footage in a medical tent, because he is a bit of a jerk and doesn't mind trampling on the privacy of others to get a good story, when the just treated get all bitey and attack the medical staff and other evacuees. In the ensuing chaos of zombies munching away on the not too fleet of foot, Chase and Jordan are separated.

Frank West, celebrity zombie survivor

Jordan makes it to a military check point just before the exits are sealed and the soldiers light up anyone who comes close to the barricades. Word has gotten out about the failure of Zombrex to prevent zombiesm and it is suspected that a new strain of the virus is the cause; a new strain that may now be air borne. General Lyons (Dennis Haysbert 24) arrives on scene with back up to prevent anyone else from escaping the quarantine zone. Orders have been given to fire bomb the city in 48 hours. Why the military needs to wait 48 hours considering they are shooting families who get too close to the check point is beyond me.

Meanwhile, Chase has hooked up with tough girl Crystal (Meghan Ory DARK HOUSE) who knows a thing or two about surviving a zombie apocalypse and Maggie (Virginia Madsen CANDYMAN) a mother who had to kill her own daughter with a Swiss army knife when the dosage of Zombrex failed. Chase isn't as dumb as he acts and starts putting the pieces together as to what is really happening with the aid of Jordan and a newscaster at UBN he had a one night stand with years ago. It's up the the trio inside the quarantine zone to dodge the biker gang looting anything and everything in the now zombie infested city while collecting the evidence they need to prove to the world the truth about this outbreak and be allowed to exit the quarantine zone before the city is turned to ash.

I admit that I did squeal like a little girl during this scene

Competently directed by Zach Lipovsky (LEPRECHAUN:ORIGINS) this zom com does not have much to offer other than the same old same old done to undeath. The banter between the uptight UBN anchor woman and guest Frank West, who survived the first zombie outbreak and used his experience to become a celebrity, is amusing with Frank keepin' it real and telling the kids in the audience to collect as many weapons as possible to safely take out the rest of the family once they turn. The practical FX on display are kept to a minimum, due to the low budget and tight shooting schedule, consist mostly of zombies spitting fake blood from their mouths and splashes of the red, red kroovy here and there. Virgina Madsen is the only member of the cast that sold me on her character (Dennis Haysbert is given only a few lines of dialogue and I'd be surprised to find out if he was on set longer than a day).

Not much comedy. Not much gore. Not much to anything to recommend it.

* 1/2 out of ****

Maggie (2015)

Dir: Henry Hobson

Parent / child relationships can be tricky. Especially when dear old Dad (Arnold Schwarzenegger) spends two weeks in K.C. looking for his runaway daughter Maggie (Abigail Breslin ZOMBIELAND); who just happens to have been bitten by a zombie and is now in a quarantine facility.

A necrotic virus of unknown origin is sweeping the land. Affected humans slowly rot as the virus attacks their body and in a few weeks the infected find the smell of human flesh delicious and can't resist having a nibble or two. Reminiscent of Cornel Wilde's NO BLADE OF GRASS, the virus also attacks and destroys crops. Put upon farmer Dad at one point takes torch to his crops in what is probably a futile attempt at saving the farm.

In an effort so spend as much time as possible with Maggie, the child birthed by his deceased wife, he ships off the children from his current wife Caroline (Joely Richardson THE DAY OF THE TRIFFIDS mini series), talks a family friend doctor into releasing his daughter from quarantine and brings her home for a final few weeks of family life. Dad is the only one who doesn't seem to find the idea of keeping a zombie in the making at home. The local police stop by often to check on things. The step mother freaks out one day once she realises the true danger.

Title designer turned director Henry Hobson's first film is not a zombie film. Yes, there are a few zombies on hand and a very tiny bit of zombie mayhem but this is a drama, a family drama. The story here is about Dad and daughter with zombiesm filling in for whatever subtext the viewer wants to attribute (Growing up? Drugs?). I did not care about the subtext as I was struggling to make it through the glacially paced story. With just enough interesting  bits here and there I was able to see the 'was that really only 95 minutes?' journey through to the end. Characters staring off into the distance looking forlorn does not a film make.

Arnold puts in a nice performance and demonstrates he can play strong everyday characters which I suspect is the main reason he was attracted to this low budget film.

* 1/2 out of ****


Official site

Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead (2014)

Dir: Kiah Roache-Turner

This is one fucked up Ozzie film.

There's not much plot to this frantic zombie film called a cross between MAD MAX 2 and DAWN OF THE DEAD. A meteor shower somehow turns part of the population into flesh eating ghouls. Survivor Barry (Jay Gallagher) teams up with a group of odd ball characters in his quest to rescue his sister Brooke (Bianca Bradey WRATH) who has been kidnapped by military men and is being experimented on by a pop music lovin' mad scientist. To say any more would give away the surprises and outrageous plot twists. It may not always make sense or even reside on the same continent as plausible but it was great fun to see what the film makers next had in store for the viewer.

I'm scratching my head what else to say about this mad cap, kinetic, gore soaked zombie film as the film is out there. See it.

*** out of ****


Wyrmwood on Facebook

Burying The Ex (2014)

Dir: Joe Dante

Max (Anton Yelchin FRIGHT NIGHT) is like you and me. He loves horror films, decorates his abode with vintage posters and can rattle on about how Val Lewton is art house B-Movie magic. Only he doesn't drink himself into a stupor every night and lives in California. So he's kinda like a younger version of me. And he has a really hot girlfriend (sorry dear!) in Evelyn (Ashley Greene THE APPARITION). Alright, he's a little bit like me. The sex with Evelyn is fantastic but she is somewhat overbearing. She's a vegan so Max had to stop eating meat, fish and dairy. As a greenie she couldn't stand Max driving a non-electric car so he had to sell his car and start using a scooter to get to and from work. Max's half brother Travis (Oliver Cooper PROJECT X) rubs Evelyn the wrong way. And Evelyn is a jealous bitch. But the sex is good.

Despite Halloween right around the corner, Max's workplace Bloody Mary's Boutique which stocks everything from skulls to naughty nurse costumes, never seems to be very busy. During a lull, Evelyn stops by to make the beast with two backs with Max in the shop. Post coitus they pledge loving one another forever and it just so happens that Evelyn activated a Satan genie doll which grants wishes in the most evil of ways.

Great sex does not make the entirety of a relationship. Evelyn moves in and whilst Max toils away at Bloody Mary's boutique, she redecorates their apartment; in an environmentally friendly manner. She folds Max's vintage posters and hides them away in a drawer. She folds his posters! Fed up with her bossy ways Max decides to break up with Evelyn and seeks advice on how to do it from Travis. Spit balling a few ideas, Max decides on telling her the bad news at the local park in hopes that the public setting will reign in Evelyn's fiery temper. Sadly, Evelyn is run over by a bus on the way to meet Max and dies in his arms.

A distraught Max spends his days in his apartment eating take out and watching horror films. Wanting to use Max's apartment for a tryst, Travis suggests that Max take in the double bill of horror films playing at a local theatre. Reluctantly, Max agrees and after the show bumps into fellow horror fanatic Olivia (Alexandra Daddario TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D). and strikes up a conversation. There's chemistry and a common interest shared between the two but what about that promise to the now dead Evelyn about being with her forever?

Comedy / horror? Zomcom? Whatever one wants to call it this is a light horror film that leans more to the comedy genre, much like director Joe Dante's GREMLINS. Unlike GREMLINS, BURYING THE EX is rated R but there's little in the way of gore. It's a decent film but nothing special. I laughed in the right places, ogled where I was supposed to, but I didn't find anything to raise the film up beyond a pleasant way to while away an hour and a half.

**1/2 out of ****

Kill Zombie! (2012)

aka: Zombibi
Dir: Martijn Smits, Erwin van den Eshof

It is the best and worst day for Camp and Bell salary man Aziz (Yahya Gaier). The office hottie Tess (Nadia Poeschmann) has asked Aziz out for drinks after work. But his jealous manager overhears the proposal and fires Aziz using the excuse that Aziz's partying brother Mo (Mimoun Ouled Radi) has been calling too much. A despondent Aziz stops by the pool party Mo is at and the two run afoul of a couple of would be gang bangers, Jeffrey (Sergio Hasselbaink) and Nolan (Uriah Arnhem). Police are called to break up the fisticuffs, or more accurately macho posturing, and the four are hauled off to jail where tough no nonsense officer Kim (Gigi Ravelli) is in charge.

The next morning the prisoners awake to find the police station deserted and looking as if a bloody fight occurred and the Amsterdam neighbourhood in ruins.

Amsterdamned!

After being attacked by strangely acting and oddly looking people and tuning into the news, they are able to piece together what happened over night. A Russian satellite crashed into a nearby building and the space virus it carried infected the populace turning them into green slime spewing zombies with a taste for human flesh.

Banding together the group hits a local sporting goods shop to gather weapons with the ultimate goal of reaching the perimeter of the quarantine area the authorities have set up. Aziz, learning that Tess is stranded at the office and threatened by the ghouls, strikes out to save her, a reluctant Kim following. The rest of the band is talked into robbing a bank by Joris (Noel Deelen) another prisoner from the jail.

With its mix of comedy, horror and zombies, KILL ZOMBIE!'s obvious influence is SHAUN OF THE DEAD. It doesn't come close to achieving the brilliance of the Simon Pegg, Nick Frost and Edgar Wright loving homage to the zombie genre. It goes for the easy, tired joke. The main actors are likable enough and look like they were having a lot of fun on set. I enjoyed a Netherlands take on George Romero's zombie world, but I rarely laughed at the stupid antics.

** out of ****

Dawn of the Dead: European Version (1978)

After playing SPI's DAWN OF THE DEAD boardgame I knew what I wanted to do next, watch the film. The version I picked was the European version, edited by Dario Argento. It is the shortest version of the film collected in Anchor Bay's Ultimate edition release of the film on DVD.

Before I start complaining I will say that Argento's cut works. If this was the only version of the film that existed I would have still been blown away watching it for the first time at a friend's house. And I'd still be watching it thirty years after my first viewing. The European version skips a number of scenes, extends a few scenes, has additional gore shots and more Goblin compared to the U.S. theatrical release.

Tom Savini's ground breaking special effects are certainly one of the major reasons I am enamored with the film. But it's also the characters, Fran, Peter, Roger and Steve. Bucket loads of blood and grue does not make for a classic. I want to see and feel and experience the world the characters inhabit. The characters are so well drawn and their interaction with one another so real that I want to spend as much time with them as possible. The European version, with its shorter running time, takes away from that. It also dispenses with the humour. The scene at the boat dock with the guy asking for a smoke and our heroes telling him the don't have any cigarettes and then promptly lighting up once he is gone is fantastic. It's a funny scene, it releases some built up tension and it's a good foreshadowing into why the characters defend the mall later in the film. I want those scenes. I want to spend those few additional moments with the characters.

And that also explains why I like the so-called director's cut. Just like the shoppers at the Monroeville mall, I want more.

SPI's Dawn of the Dead Board Game (1978)

As I was huge fan of George A. Romero's DAWN OF THE DEAD after just one view of the VHS at a friend's house, I jumped at the chance to pick up SPI's board game tie in when I spotted it at my local game shop. I can't begin to count the number of times I played the game, mostly the solo variant, for years to come. But as time passed I moved on to other board games. Recently, I decided to take a trip down memory lane.

Components

The ugly paper map of the mall, the cheap cardboard counters and simplistic artwork are all products of their time. Compared to the glossy, plastic figure infused zombie board game LAST NIGHT ON EARTH, one can certainly see how far gaming has come. DAWN's components are serviceable but there's a far greater appeal to moving a plastic zombie figure around a heavy cardboard map than a cardboard chit with a zombie face on it around a paper map.

Starting set up

For those into print and play, there is a really nicely done remake of the game available from Witchmaster Creations. Throw in some plastic zombie miniatures and that will take care of the issues with the components.

Rules

The rule book is eight pages of black text with the back page collecting all charts and tables needed for game play. The rules are easy enough to follow. The Human player, controlling Fran, Peter, Roger and Steve, moves one character or stack of characters who start on the same square through the shops and halls of the mall. The object is for Fran and Steve to collect hunting rifles from Edwin's Sports Center to replace their pistols and for the team to close the four main doors to the mall. Each character has a fire rate, the number of times per turn they can shoot, a panic level, how easy it is for them to freeze up when confronted by zombies and a movement allowance. Combat is resolved by rolling six sided dice, the amount of dice depending on the weapon being used, with a hit being any number equal to or greater than the zombie value. Zombie values range from 1 through 11 and represent the number of zombies on a square.

Once the Human player's turn is over the Zombie player begins his turn which is broken down into phases. The berserk zombie phase is a check to see if a zombie becomes berserk. Berserk zombies move faster than other zombies and can attempt to destroy a closed glass door. The next two phases are for zombie movement. Those zombies that saw the humans move react and move towards their meal and then the zombie player can move a number of zombie units equal to a die roll. The zombie attack phase occurs if a human is in the same space with a zombie unit. The last phase is for zombie generation, a check is performed for if any new zombie units enter the mall via an unsecured main entrance. Once the Zombie player finishes all phases it is the Human player turn. But the Human player can't move any characters who moved on the previous turn. Turns alternate until the Human player achieves his objectives or the Zombie player kills three characters, two if one of them is Fran.

Rules are included for solitaire play and a three and four player version. It's been years since I played a three or four player game and I don't recall how well the game went but I expect there was a fair amount of downtime. The solitaire rules work out well.

Steve and Fran need to roll an 8 or higher on three dice to take out the zombie hoard.
They roll three ones

Conclusion

It may be my love for DAWN OF THE DEAD film and all things zombie, but this 37 year old game is fun to play despite its short comings. There's a lot of dice rolling but I had to plan the character's moves in order to blast as many zombies as possible before finding refuge in a shop. At times the dice rolls went against me leaving Peter and Roger exposed to the oncoming zombie hoard due to Roger panicking. It made for tense game play.

It's a game I'll continue to pull off the shelf from time to time and the closest any game I've played has gotten to the film.

[REC] 4: Apocalypse (2014)

Dir: Jaume Balaguero

I enjoyed the first two [REC] films immensely, they also demonstrated that there was some life left in the so called found footage genre (going on six years after the sequel was released there doesn't seem to be much creative spark left to that life). Even the third film, which switches from POV to a traditional narrative early in the film and from straight horror to more comedy horror, is entertaining in its own way and I will not fault the film makers from wanting to break, slightly, new ground. When I heard there was going to be a fourth film in the series I was excited to see where the franchise was headed, especially with 'apocalypse' in the title.

The fourth entry in this Spanish zombie franchise opens moments after the events of the previous films, the third film's timeline running parallel to the first two. A squad of soldiers are sent into the quarantined apartment building. The mission is to plant explosives with the goal being to not only demolish the building but destroy all the infected within. Their numbers diminished from attacks by the infected but the explosives in place, the remaining two soldiers Guzman (Paco Manaznedo) and Lucas (Crispulo Cabetas), turn to exit as the timer counts down. They hear a woman screaming for help from a floor above them. Rushing to her aid, Guzman finds Angela (Manuela Velasco), the television reporter who entered the apartment with a firefighter crew (the first film).

Why yes, that is an outboard motor in his hands

Guzman awakens in a room he does not know and goes out into the steel hallway in search of an answer as to where he is. He's on board a ship. A ship at sea with a company of soldiers, a Dr. Ricarte (Hector THE HAUNTING Colome) in charge of the soldiers and crew, life boats disabled and the radio locked down so that no messages get out without approval of the authorities. Angela is there, along with Lucas and a disoriented woman who was attending a wedding (a reference to the third film). Dr Ricarte and his fellow scientists have been working on a cure in hope that it will help combat any further outbreaks. Locked in the makeshift laboratory in the hold of the ship is a host from which blood is drawn to create the antidote. Only some one has let the host loose and now no one is safe.

Monkeys!

This certainly isn't the first time we've seen a group of survivors trapped on a ship with minimal amount of options for survival while being menaced by an malevolent force, but it is a nice change up from the apartment building of the first two films. My disappointment aside that there is no apocalypse as promised by the film's title, director and co-writer Jaume Balaguero helms a tension filled, gory, thrilling entry of a series that I thought dead after the third one. It doesn't reach the delirious scary heights of the first, but stays true to form with its science versus religion plot thread and its good to see Angela back. Angela stays in the background for much of the running time with Guzman as the hero in forefront but there are unexpected twists that blindsided me that explain the decisions of the writing and directing team.

*** out of ****

The Laughing Dead (1989)

Dir: Somtow Sucharitkul (S.P. Somtow)

Many years ago at a Fangoria convention I was hanging out at a dealer table with a couple of people with whom I'd traded bootleg films on VHS. They were telling me about a fun film called THE LAUGHING DEAD. The film hadn't been officially released yet but somehow it was leaked and that's how the bootleggers had gotten their hands on it and were now selling it at the convention. Along comes a man to the table with his son and I presumed his son's friend seeing as they looked nothing like one another. The man asks the peddlers of obscurity on VHS about what they have that's new and exciting. The one dealer starts gushing about a gory low budget film called THE LAUGHING DEAD. The other dealer is nudging the first because he has noticed that the man is wearing a jacket with the name S.P. Somtow on it, the same name as the director of the film. The man was indeed the director. Somtow did not seem angry, and as far as I know never reported the bootleggers. As the film was in limbo and no distribution deal on the horizon, Somtow stated that he was just happy to know that someone was able to watch and enjoy the film.

Father O'Sullivan (Tim Sullivan) has been plagued by strange dreams involving Mayan gods and sacrifice. He is haunted as well by an affair he had years ago with a nun, the guilt and stress prompting him to question his faith. But all that isn't going to stop him from leading a party of oddballs on a trip to Oaxaca Mexico to take in the Festival of the Laughing Dead. Along for the bus ride are troubled teen Laurie (played by the director's sister Premika Eaton), a quarreling new age couple who constantly chant and fondle crystals, a loud mouth who enjoys telling terrible jokes at top volume and his stuck up traveling companion. Unknown to the Father, his former forbidden love and her son have signed up for the tour, she thinks it is time to let the boy know who his father is.

Director Somtow looking very Mayan

Once in Mexico, a trip that appears to take two days of driving non-stop on a bus without a bathroom due to messed up day for night shots, the group checks into a hotel on the edge of the village holding the festival. In order to get in some bonding time with his crotch fruit, the Father takes the boy into the village. While buying treats created for the celebration, an old woman approaches the priest begging for his help to save her possessed grand daughter. Reluctantly, he agrees and follows the woman to her home. There he meets the daughter's father, Dr. Um-tzec (Somtow), who is more interested in playing piano than fretting over his demon possessed, screaming daughter. Saying a few words over the Linda Blair like writhing and gnashing daughter, the Father is shocked by her casual response of tearing open her chest cavity, ripping out her heart and offering him the still beating organ. She then proceeds to tear out his heart and in the process curses the Father to start down the road to becoming the next Mayan death god (the current one wants to retire).

Have a heart father!

The good father is always willing to lend a hand, an elbow, an entire arm

Mayan death gods are nothing to sneeze at as they can imbue one with the ability to wretch an arm from the socket, punch a fist through a human's skull and conjure forth a Mayan zombie basketball team. It's up to the holiday makers to save the fallen Father from the prophecy that will change him into a god when he sacrifices his son. Why yes, it does involve a climatic basketball game between zombies and humans.

Sci-fi, horror novelist Somtow wears many hats on his first film, musician, writer, actor and director. He cast family, fellow writers and friends in most roles so don't expect much thespian prowess on display. Instead expect an incoherent  plot that blends comedy and horror, non actors having a blast making a film and outrageous gore. The gore was provided by John Carl Buechler's team and is often inventive. And that's the reason to watch this film, the FX. The film starts out slow, taking its time to build up characters (it doesn't work), then takes off in a demonic, zombied frenzy of blood, gore, rubber monsters and basket ball.

** out of ****

Zombie Undead (2010)

Dir: Rhys Davies

A man with a back pack walks the city centre of Leicester England. Finding a secluded area he places the back pack on the ground and walks away. Some distance away he makes a phone call.

Hours later on the outskirts of the city, Steve (Barry Thomas) is behind the wheel of a speeding car. In the back are Sarah (Ruth King) and her injured father. They are racing to get the bloodied man to a hospital. Finally arriving they find the hospital overflowing with the dead and dying. The father takes another turn for the worse but luckily a doctor has a moment to spare to ram a needle filled with adrenaline into his heart. Overwhelmed by her father's condition and the chaos of the hospital, Sarah faints, smacking her head on the floor.

If you want to live, follow the man with the machete

Waking up on a cot, an unknown amount of time having past, Sarah is fine considering the untreated cut on her forehead. Venturing out into the corridor she finds it quiet and deserted, the extreme opposite of how it was when she brought her father in. Calling out, at first there is no response until she hears someone walking up behind her. Turning around to greet the man she is startled by the man attacking her and knocking her to the ground. Sarah is rescued by a tie wearing, machete wielding Jay (writer Kris Tearse). Distrustful of a stranger who just cleaved open the skull of another man using a machete, Sarah is hesitant to trust and follow Jay until he points out a few shuffling figures down the corridor headed their way. The zombie apocalypse has begun.

The dead walk

Jay is looking for his little brother Michael and Sarah wants to find her father before being willing to leave the hospital. Teaming up they search each floor of the hospital room by room and along the way encounter other survivors of the zombie peril, including Steve who has spent his time hiding in the loo. Can the group find their love ones and escape being bitten by the zombie undead? Not bloody likely.

I admire first time film makers Rhys Davies and Kris Tearse for what they were able to accomplish with next to nothing. The hospital location adds a claustrophobic feel to the film and there are a fair amount of zombies on hand to add to the tension. But the film doesn't work. I didn't care about any of the characters. If I had a zombie film check list while watching I'd have been able to tick all the boxes save running zombies. Oh look, someone has been bit, wonder when they are going to turn. Oh, someone is wandering off by themselves, what could possibly happen next. The script writing is lazy with characters uttering inanities repeatedly. The biggest blunder is a scene where the characters are in the courtyard of the hospital thinking they've found a way out but start lamenting there is no way out and that they must go back into the building and find another exit. All while standing next to a wall with big white letters stating NO PARKING; underneath which is a bike rack. If you are making your video epic and want to show the film letterboxed, don't shoot the damn thing so that everyone's head is chopped off by the black bars.

Dodgy elevator? Time for some exposition

Send this one to the morgue.

* out of ****