Bridge to Nowhere (1986)

Dir: Ian Mune

I must admit that I thought I was getting a New Zealand take on the then popular American slasher sub-genre with a BRIDGE TO NOWHERE. The basic premise is five youths from the big city travel into the bush to drink, fornicate and camp who anger a local farmer. A plot that is familiar to anyone who watched a handful of slashers. A plot so familiar it has become prime parody material (JASON X and the scene where Jason is distracted by a virtual reality simulation of Camp Crystal Lake being one of the best in-jokes). I was wrong, BRIDGE TO NOWHERE is a bit different.

The youths, Leon (Phillip Gordon THE RETURNING) an arsehole obsessed with being an arsehole, his bird Tanya (Margaret Umbers DEATH WARMED OVER), Tanya's brother Carl (Matthew Hunter CHILDREN OF THE CORN II) who puts a damper on Leon's moves on Tanya, Julie (Shelly Luxford) and Gray (Stephen Judd) who is fond of Julie but hasn't worked up the courage to say it, hike into the bush to camp on the bridge to nowhere. The bridge in the film is a real bridge that once lead to a settlement in the Mangapurua Valley. The settlement was abandoned and the bush reclaimed the roads leading into it. The bridge now stands as a monument to what once was. Leon, have I said he's an arsehole? flirts with the wife of a farmer and pisses the farmer off in a way only an arsehole of Leon's magnitude could do. The farmer collects their kit leaving them with nothing; no food, no water, no shelter, and chases them through the bush.

Leon even dresses like a knob

This is not a slasher film. It's more of a thriller and psychological character study. The farmer, Mac (Bruno Lawrence THE QUIET EARTH), has his reasons for stalking the youths and driving them deeper into the bush. As the campers stumble around in the woods the viewer learns more about the relationship between Mac and his woman Lise (Alison Routledge THE QUIET EARTH). Mac isn't the backwoods killer we expect from such films but rather a man looking to protect his family. Even if that means causing harm to others. The drama did not work for me. Leon is a psycho and if this had been a slasher he'd be the killer who thinks he was wronged and now seeks revenge. The character is that dangerous and over the top. He's not the only one. There's another character, I will not say who, that kicks off the unfortunate series of events. That character is mentally ill, just like Leon, but I could not discern where the film makers were going with the character. I could not connect with the character either so I could not connect with the film.

Annoying characters aside, I did enjoy the scenery. As a camper I can appreciate the hiking trail through the bush and the lush vegetation. The beauty was evident even on the VHS copy of the film I watched. BRIDGE TO NOWHERE is not a film I can recommend even for those looking for nearly forgotten curiosities from the past.

** out of ****

Deathgasm (2015)

Dir: Jason Lei Howden

When his mum goes mental, teenage metal head Brodie (Milo Cawthorne BLOOD PUNCH) moves in with his seemingly straight laced aunt and uncle and their bully of a son David (Nick Hoskins-Smith). New to town and the school, Brodie settles for hanging out with the Dungeons & Dragons obsessed Dion (Sam Berkley) and his friend Giles (Daniel Cresswell). It's not until he stumbles across an indie record shop that he meets another metal head, Zakk (James Blake). The two hit it off, with Zakk steering them towards petty crime, acts of vandalism and forming a garage band that includes Dion and Giles.

Upon learning that the lead singer, Ricky Daggers (Stephen Ure PERFECT CREATURE), of their favourite old school metal band lives in town, Zakk and Brodie break into his dilapidated home. Among the trash and debris they find a dirty, crazed Ricky and try to steal a limited edition record from him. Curiously, Ricky gives them the album; pleaing that they protect it. Later they discover the record jacket contains sheet music to a song called The Black Hymn and their garage band attempts to play it thinking it is an unrecorded song. Unknown to them, it is a summoning ritual to bring the ancient Aeloth The Blind One unto this plane of existence.

Medina as a Valkyrie

In-between garage sessions with his mates, Brodie develops a crush on class mate Medina (Kimberly Crossman A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO SNUFF), who is dating this cousin David. Jock David doesn't take kindly to a metal head talking with his woman and puts the beat down on Brodie. The callous act drives Medina closer to Brodie and the relationship is clinched when Medina listens to power metal for the first time (an excellently done orgiastic visual).

After successfully playing The Black Hymn and unleashing chaos and zombie mayhem on the neighbourhood, it is up to the group of misfits + hottie to fight the demonic forces and revert the spell they cast.

Writer / director Jason Lei Howden (visual effects artist on many big budget films including THE HOBBIT) has created a metal up your arse Kiwi horror comedy. There's a lot of love evident for the music and subculture even as it parodies them. I must admit that I didn't recognise any of the bands performing on the original soundtrack as I'm more of a classic metal (Sabbath!) metal head. But all of them were great accompaniments to the gory practical FX on display throughout the film. This film is a blast.

All hail DEATHGASM!

*** out of ****


Official site


Curiously, Walmart is selling a re-titled version of the film with different DVD artwork. Were they scared off by the 'gasm' in the title?