Sven Hassel's Wheels Of Terror (1987)

aka: The Misfit Brigade
Dir: Gordon Hessler

Cpl Porta looking very refined

The German 27th Panzer is a penal brigade made up of murderers, thieves, sister fuckers and other detritus willing to swap prison for the Eastern front. They don't fight for Hitler or an ideology, they fight to survive. The company of battle weary drunkards is portrayed by Bruce (WILLARD) Davison, D.W. (FALLING DOWN) Moffett, David Patrick (THE WARRIORS) Kelly, Slavko (CROSS OF IRON) Stimac, and Jay O. (THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW) Sanders with Yugoslavian actors filling out the remainder of the crews.

The film is more episodic than driven by a specific plot thread. The soldiers get drunk and get into a fight. They get drunk, visit a brothel and get into a fight. At mess they get into a fight. It's not until crazed Cpl. Porta (Davison) challenges Col. Von Weisshagen while on guard duty and places him under arrest for not providing a password that the company is given a mission. They are to travel deep behind enemy lines and blow up a train. In exchange for completing the suicidal task the Col. promises to transfer the 'volunteers' to some part of the war safer than the Eastern front. They don't trust the Col. but the horror of the Eastern front has nearly crushed their souls so they see little other option than to accept the mission and the glimmer of hope of leaving the meat grinder behind.

The film's title comes from the second of fourteen books that Danish born Sven Hassel wrote about WWII. Hassel left Denmark for Germany and joined the army shortly before war broke out. His novels recount his experiences during the war but I'm not sure how much poetic license he applied in telling the dark and darkly comedic tale of the penal brigade. As I have read and immensely enjoyed a couple of the novels and with a screenplay written by Nelson Gidding (THE HAUNTING) and the film directed by Gordon Hessler (who did everything from working with Alfred Hitchcock to directing Kiss to helming the LITTLE WOMEN mini series) I was really looking forward to the film. Throw in David Carradine and Oliver Reed and this should have been a winning combination. Carradine is only in the film for a few scenes and Reed doesn't show up until the very end. The tank battles aren't very exciting and a bit confusing as to which tank is where. Only the character of Porta feels fleshed out but Tiny (Sanders) a dim witted demolition school drop out hulking brute makes an impression.

There's enough in the film to recommend it to war fans but I'd like someone to take another crack at bringing Hassel's vision to the screen. In the mean time I'll stick with the similar but far superior CROSS OF IRON.

**1/2 out of ****

Silent Night, Bloody Night (1972)

Dir: Theodore Gershuny

Diane (Mary a slew of cult classics Woronov) Adams walks along the grounds of the Butler mansion as workers prepare to bulldoze it. She recalls the history of the house and the events she was caught up in due to the madness and thirst for revenge of others. Wilford Butler built the house and upon his return to it on Christmas Eve he is accidentally set on fire; he perishes from his injuries. The will leaves the house to his grand son Jeffrey (James CASTLE KEEP Patterson) with the stipulation that the house remains as it is. For twenty years the house has remained the same but rumours are spreading that the house is to be sold. Those rumours reach the ears of an inmate at a hospital for the criminally insane who makes his escape swinging a pipe wrench (a nicely shot POV sequence).

Jeffrey does plan to sell the estate and has hired lawyer John Carter (Patrick THE STUFF O'Neal). Carter, traveling with his 'assistant' Ingrid (Astrid CASTLE KEEP Heeren) travels to the small town and meets with the local council to sell them the house at a cut rate price. The council is comprised of Mayor Adams (Walter TALES OF TOMORROW Abel) who is the father of Diane, telephone operator Tess, Sheriff Bill Mason and Charlie Towman (the legendary John Carradine) who dislikes speaking and prefers to ring a bell to communicate. As the cash will not be available until the following day, Carter and Ingrid plan on spending the night at the Butler home.

Ding! The fries are done

They are not alone in the house. Someone else has taken up residence. As Carter and Ingrid get amorous, that someone crashes through the bed room door and gives them forty whacks with an axe. The carnage does not end there. The black gloved killer lures each member of the town council to the house in order to exact revenge.

Meanwhile Jeffrey shows up at the Mayor's house where Diane holds him at gunpoint until she confirms his identity. Jeffrey claims he went to the Butler home looking for the lawyer but as there was no response and the door locked he borrowed Carter's Jaguar and drove to the nearest house, the Mayor's, in search for help. Diane agrees to help and off to town they go. Jeffrey's actions, acting strange, running over one of the council members with the stolen car, grabbing one of Tess' caged birds as if he was going to squeeze the life out of it and generally looking like a crazed killer, make the viewer think he's a red herring but no one other than a crazed, black leather glove wearing killer would even do half the incriminating things he does.

Who is the killer and what secret does the town council conceal that imperils their lives?

Mary can hold my gun at any time

Director Theodore Gershuny was married to lead Woronov around the time of filming (I was unable to pinpoint the year but sources vary as to the year being from 1970 to 1972) and a number of Woronov's co-Warhol Superstars, such as Ondine and Candy Darling, have small roles. The appearance of the Superstars along with a bit of pre-slasher gore seemingly has propelled the now public domain film to cult status in some quarters. Admittedly the dark, scratchy print I viewed may have distracted from my appreciation of the film but the script as filmed is muddled, relies on a great deal of narration to explain the set up and, like the unstoppable killers of the slashers to come, does little to explain the teleporting killer who always is in the perfect spot to exact his grisly revenge.

*1/2 out of ****