Yo-Yo Girl Cop (2006)

aka: Sukeban Deka: Code Name = Saki Asamiya
Dir: Kenta Fukasaku

Let's hear it for the Bronx!

The Japanese nationals, mother (Yuki Saito SUKEBAN DEKA television series) and daughter (Aya Matsuura), are living illegally in New York as they've overstayed their visa and run into trouble with the authorities. The mother is arrested by the N.Y.P.D. and when immigration tries to pick up the daughter she kicks their arses. The C.I.A. (!) learns who the mother and daughter are and contacts Kazutoshi Kira (Riki Takeuchi BIG MAN JAPAN), who works for a secret Japanese organization, to turn over the daughter. Kira offers the young woman a deal. Work with his organization and the Japanese government will arrange the release of her mother, who is scheduled to go to trial in a few days. The daughter reluctantly agrees.

The daughter is given the name Saki Asamiya and is now Sukeban Deka (Delinquent girl detective). Saki is to pose as a high schooler and get to the bottom of a mysterious web site called Enola Gay that is somehow tied to the Seisen school she is to infiltrate. The web site is counting down to an unknown event; time is short. She is given the weapon all Sukeban Dekas carry, a Yo-Yo. Not only does it act as a badge but can be thrown to knock out opponents.

Have Yo-Yo will travel

SUKEBAN DEKA, the name YO-YO GIRL COP was given by Magnolia for this film's U.S. release, started as a manga in the 70's. The school girl detective proved popular enough that it spawned an animated series, live action television series and films. I've never seen the television series but did rent the first two of the films released in the 80's. They were goofy fun, the very definition of a comic book film. The female stars were attractive and there was plenty of impossible action. I can still recall a scene where one of the girl detectives is attacked by a helicopter. She uses her Yo-Yo to knock the helicopter out of the sky! The latest release fails to capture any of that fun and adventure. We are given a story about high schoolers who are bullied and turn into suicide bombers at the request of the enigmatic Romeo who contacts the troubled youth on the Enola Gay forums. I can understand tackling more modern issues such as bullying but this is a film about a girl who uses a Yo-Yo to smash crime organizations. I want the cotton candy entertainment, not the special episode of DIFFERENT STROKES about peadophilia. Anyone who has seen director Kenta Fukasaku's BATTLE ROYALE II knows how clumsily he handles serious topics in a pop film.

Never trust the most popular girl at school

The worse crime of all is that the film is dull. It took a lot of effort for me not to fast forward through scene after scene of characters (poorly) working out their emotions. The highlight of the film was seeing Yuki Saito who starred in the first SUKEBAN DEKA film.

Ditch it.

* out of ****

R100 (2013)

Dir: Hitoshi Matsumoto

Middle aged Takafumi Katayama (Nao Omori) sits in a restaurant with an attractive woman drinking coffee. He rambles on about the gorgeousness and gorgeousity of the fourth movement of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. The woman stands up and kicks him in the face, full force.

Yeah, I'd let her kick me down some stairs as well

Retail Salesman Takafumi, who's wife is in a coma and he must raise their son with help from the father in law, is feeling the pangs of an ordinary existence. Hoping to alleviate his suffering he joins a unique  bondage club. Membership is for one year and the contract cannot be cancelled. The service they provide is that women dressed in leather will attack Takafumi. They will smash his food as he tries to eat at a sushi bar. They will punch him. Whip him. Kick him. Nearly drown him. You probably don't want to know what the Saliva Queen does when it is her turn to service Takafumi.

The thing is that Takafumi has a mind blowing orgasm after each session. It's not until the attacks start to include his son and take place at work that Takafumi thinks there could be anything wrong.

In the throes of a climax

Interspersed throughout the film are short scenes of a small group of people who are watching the film at the same time as the viewer. They are befuddled as to what the film means (but they do offer up an explanation of the film's title). I'm not sure why the film is stopped and they trumble out of the theatre into a waiting room from time to time but then I'm not sure of anything about this film. Like the viewers in the film, I'm befuddled as to what is going on and what, if anything, it all means. Allegedly a comedy, the shtick of Takafumi being attacked grows wearisome and I lost interest in seeing what became of him. I did stick it out and the climatic ending and denouement are just as confusing as the rest of the film.

Director Hitoshi Matsumoto also helmed the mockumentary BIG MAN JAPAN about a man who grows to an enormous size and battles giant monsters. That quirky film at least had some jokes that worked and a world logic I could follow.

Make certain to have a safe word before starting watching this film.

*1/2 out of ****


Official site

Assault Girls (2009)

Jager waits patiently for a worm

Dir: Mamoru Oshii

Lucifer does a little dance

The film opens with seven minutes of narration over still images. It uses big egg head words and intellectual short hand and I'm not sure what the point is but it had something to do with an apocalypse and now people seek refuge in virtual reality video games. We follow four avatars in a video game; three females, Lucifer (Rinko Kikuchi from PACIFIC RIM), Gray (Meisa Kuroki from SPACE BATTLESHIP YAMATO) and Colonel (Hinako Saeki from RASEN) and one male, Jager (Yoshikazu Fujiki). The video game world is a barren landscape where the players try and kill DUNE inspired sand worms to rack up enough points to earn equipment that will allow them to tackle the end boss Madara. Separately the players fail to conquer the level but come to the realization that they must team up in order to defeat the big boss.

Director Mamoru Oshii gave us the exciting and fascinating GHOST IN THE SHELL but this film is at the opposite end of the spectrum. We don't care about the characters, there's little in the way of action to relieve the tedium of watching the avatars trek across one patch of rocky ground after another, and the CGI of the virtual world is sub-par. Today's video games not only look better but have a more involved plot than this film.

Mission complete! Woo Hoo! Maybe this bleedin' film is almost over

* stars out of ****