The Funhouse Massacre (2015)

Dir: Andy Palmer

The Warden of the local insane asylum (Robert England A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET) has granted reporter Quinn (Candice De Visser) an interview to rebute accusations of inhumane treatment occurring at the facility. The Warden assures Quinn that only the most vile, animalistic, psychopaths and killers are locked up without a trial. As if giving a tour at a wax museum, the Warden shows off the five worst of humanity and provides a brief bio of their terrible deeds. Fans of the horror genre will readily recognize each archetype. There's the dentist (Sabastian Siegel) who drills with a bit too much passion, the cannibal chef from hell (E.E. Bell ICE CREAM MAN), the dreaded taxidermist (Clint Howard EVILSPEAK) and the cult leader (Jere Burns from tv's JUSTIFIED) who talked his flock into setting themselves on fire. In a turn of events that will surprise no one, Quinn is in reality the classroom killer Dollface who dispatches the Warden and guards and frees the psychos. Their diabolical plan is to take over the Land of Illusion haunted house which just so happens to feature all six killers as main attractions and massacre the attendees in a bid to out kill all other killers and thus gain everlasting infamy.

Dressed up for Halloween while working at a local diner, the sex crazed Christina (Chasty Ballesteros AFTER THE SUN FELL) and Jason (Sterling Sulieman) talk their co-workers in joining them for opening night of the Land of Illusion haunted house. Why a haunted house is opening for business on Halloween instead of the weeks leading up to the holiday is lost on me. Reluctant at first, the Dr. Who dressed Morgan (Matt Angel MISCHIEF NIGHT) agrees as he wants to spend as much time with co-worker Laurie (Renee Dorian STUPID TEENAGERS MUST DIE) as possible but can't quite work up the nerve to ask her out. Mix in a couple of expendable stoners (is one dressed as Geezer Butler from Black Sabbath) and a Hispanic cook dressed as Danny Treo's MACHETE character and we have a fine group to be terrorized in the dim confines of a haunted house.

The punters at the haunted house don't at first realize the actors portraying the murderous six have been replaced with the real deal and cheer as they watch people being tortured, stabbed, chopped and sliced. The Sheriff (Scottie Thompson BEFORE I WAKE) and her bumbling say anything idiotic that pops to mind Deputy (Ben Begley RUN LIKE HELL) manage to put two and two together and team up with Morgan, Laurie and the remaining friends to rescue the patrons and put a stop to the psychos.

Clint!

THE FUNHOUSE MASSACRE is a horror comedy that isn't at all scary, and not all that funny but the combination of outrageous gore and low brow humour clicked well enough for a night's viewing. The characters are cardboard but the actors' portrayals of the protagonists are energetic and their interaction with one another makes the characters likeable.The exchanges between Morgan and Laurie, each attracted to one another but neither courageous enough to speak up, is cute. And I really liked that all the main female characters fought back instead of shrieking. It wasn't just the final girl.

My biggest issue with the film, in order to set up a sequel, is how the surviving character(s) are killed without allowing the viewer to feel the impact of losing the character(s) we've just spent the last 90 minutes following. I don't want to spoil the plot but even a goofball B movie homage to the slashers of the '80's and '90's should have treated the protagonists (and the viewer) with a bit more respect. The deaths should have meaning, not be a quick and dirty way to have an opening for a sequel that may never be made.

CHILDREN OF THE CORN's Malachai (Courtney Gains) has a small role as the owner of the haunted house.

**1/2 out of ****